Rojas and Benji: A Goat and a Toad

9 Dec

Deep in the heart of New York’s Adirondack Mountains, a pair of hopeless yet gleeful nomads trekked through the dense vegetation, talking excitedly about hypothetical events and situations they found entertaining.

“Alright, you’re not a goat and I’m not a toad–we’re both crayfish, would you rather be a crayfish with super-powers or a crayfish that single-handedly brought about World Peace?” Asked Rojas as he perched loosely on his partner’s upper neck.

“Why do we have to be crayfish?  I think the question would be the same if I was a goat and you were a toad…”  Benji was experiencing the confusion that seemed to creep in anytime Rojas got bored and vocal.

“Because Crayfish kind of suck, they live under rocks, they get eaten by everything, but if it had Superpowers its life would suck less. You see, its only chance at having a life that doesn’t suck is a life with super powers…”

“Go on.” Said Benji

“I was going to go on…anyways, so you have your one shot at a decent existence as a crayfish with the superpowers, or you could reap no real personal benefit, still live under rocks and look like a bug but drastically improve the World for all those species that already have a life a crayfish could only dream of,” explained Rojas enthusiastically.

“So, you’re saying our lives as a goat and a toad are so fucking sweet now, that superpowers wouldn’t be as enticing an option and thus make your question too easy?” Asked Benji.

“Precisely, “ said Rojas, “I have a seductively long, sticky tongue, you can eat fucking anything, and we’re both the only examples of our species speaking English….thus World Peace would be the obvious choice.”

“But if you were a crayfish, you’d forego World Peace for a super power?” Benji inquired with suddenly legitimate interest.

“I’d certainly consider it.  What has the world done for crayfish?  Show me one statue or sports team or division of military named after crayfish.  Give me one reason why I—as a crayfish—should make the world—which has done so little for me—a better place ,” fired off Rojas.

“I can’t,” conceded the Goat.

“Of course you can’t, crayfish get no respect.  But they would, you bet your fucking ass they would…imagine the looks on human’s faces when they see a flying crayfish …”

Benji tried to look up at the frog sitting on his neck.  It was chewing on his fur in between rants about crayfish. “Two thoughts are coming to mind right off the bat,” sighed Benji, realizing he had been thoroughly sucked into another ridiculous ‘would-you-rather’ conversation.

“And they are?” Croaked Rojas.

“So, everyone knows you’re the crayfish who brought on World Peace, right?” Benji asked.

“Yes, it’s common knowledge,” Rojas replied.

“Then there’s your respect right there.  People are going to worship the mystical creature who brought about World Peace; much moreso than a crayfish that can fly,” Benji explained to his friend.

“A crayfish who can fly and read minds…” interjected the excitable toad.

Benji was exasperated, but didn’t feel like going any further with the conversation.  He knew—of course—that even if the flying crayfish was also a psychic crayfish, that the World Peace crayfish would be much more popular and therefor have a much finer existence which was the crux of the question if Benji could remember correctly.  Wait, thought Benji, had the question been what would be best for the crayfish, or what would you do as a crayfish in that situation?  It had been the latter.

“Are you thinking about what Super Powers you’d pick?” Asked Rojas

“I’d pick World Peace,” muttered the goat nobly.

The two continued plodding through the fallen leaves and clambering over rotting trees; in and out of deep, muddy ravines.  The woods in those parts were primeval.  Some of the oldest rock formations in the World are located in the Adirondacks.  In fact, Benji had just let Rojas hop off his neck so the toad could piss on a rock as old as the moon.

They were both thinking about life as a crayfish when they came upon a stream.  Naturally, Benji lowered once more to allow Rojas to cool off and dampen himself.  They were both eagerly hoping to see a crayfish so that they could interrogate the poor animal in a language it wouldn’t understand.   Regardless as to the creepy water-bugs ability to comprehend their words, the two friends wanted to at least look the little beast square in its beady, black-pearl eyes and get a sense for its inner most misery, hopes and insecurities.

But, alas, the creek was void of noticeable life.  Rojas splashed around briefly but enthusiastically before demanding Benji kneel down so the toad could take its rightful place upon the Goat’s neck.





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