Maybe a little much…my views on the phrase, “Nice guys finish last.”

17 Jan

For years I have heard men sputtering these four words with tails between legs and desperation oozing from their trout-lips.  But even as a self-proclaimed nice-guy who does not get enough poontang, I cannot find comfort in this nonsense.  I meet people exponentially more kind and genuine than myself on a daily basis.  Firefighters and paramedics, pediatricians and volunteers at the local animal shelter; every day I see and interact with kinder men than I could ever hope to be…and almost all of them have sexy girlfriends and don’t need to smoke pot to go to bed happy.

Does kindness mean everything? Hell No.  Can it sometimes be shelved by more lustful pursuits?  Yep.  But, that phenomenon is not unique to any one gender either, and hypocrisy blows goats.  So, sure,  some girls will fuck a dirty sponge if it has enough confidence, and the more that sponge gets fucked the more confidence it acquires, thus completing a horrendous but misleading cycle.   But besides the undeniable few who do make a great sexual living by abusing girls’ emotions and feelings in return for sexual favors; the vast majority of the planet views kindness as a bonus, not a deal-breaker, or deal-maker. Being nice won’t hold you back with women any more or less than having blond or brown hair.  Some women love dickheads, straight-up just like some people like a certain hair color, nothing anyone can do about it, but are you really going to beat yourself up over someone else’s sadomasochistic tendencies? Both the women and men who take part in the “dirty-sponge-cycle-of-decay” are emotionally shallow and generally frightened individuals, or so I’ve theorized.

The people who use this proverb to explain the many failures in their life are missing the point entirely.  They don’t suck at life because of their spectacular generosity and sincerity,  girls don’t avoid them because they cannot bear the intense, holy glow…far from it.  The level of narcissism involved in believing you are so inhumanly decent, that the rest of the species is repulsed by you, is quite simply, retarded.

If you are one of these people, allow me to school you right quick.  That girl at the bar turned you down because you walked, talked and hit on her like one of her girlfriends.  Not because all passion was flushed from her body after she saw you hold a door open for an old lady.  Your interpretation of ‘nice’ probably involves speaking very softly, and being extremely careful not to cause any kind of confrontation between anyone at anytime…which brings me to my next point.

See, niceness can be confused with being a pussy. And often this is the case.  A person can be a fine, upstanding member of society, while also not letting the world slam its mighty fist, repeatedly into his scrotum.  This is not a black and white type of debate.  By using “nice guys finish last”–and taking it to heart–you are creating two opposing sides in a scenario where, in reality, there is a different side for every person.  It is not nice verses mean, it is Human Being versus Human Being.  Obvious enough, one would think.

Next time something shitty happens to you or a girl makes your eyes puddle, think back to how you fucked it all up.  Identify the key moment where a conscious act changed the outcome of a potentially fantastic situation.  If you take the time to do this, I almost guarantee there is no dumbass saying to bail you out of responsibility.

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