The 2013 Buffalo Bills: Hope for a brighter tomorrow

21 Nov

I have been a Bills fan for as long as I can remember.  Which is to say, approximately 16 years.  There are only a couple plays that truly stand out in my mind when I conjure up thoughts of my beloved team; Doug Flutie in 1998 scrambling out of the clutches of the entire Jacksonville defensive-line to score a touchdown in the last seconds of the game; and of course, the Music City Travesty.  Besides those two plays, it seems the last 14 years has been a ten-layer shit sandwich drenched in the juices collected at the bottom of garbage bags.  I remember losing to the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Third Teamers in a win-and-get-in game at some point.  I could look it up but I won’t.  And besides that, I vaguely remember several limp-armed quarterbacks with some set of intangibles only valuable to a man trying to sabotage a football team and demoralize an already downtrodden City.  But those are the ramblings of a broken heart, no longer tethered to hope.

Nobody likes a cry-baby, though, and nobody likes the guy telling the World all hope is lost.  Bummer’s are universally scorned, and rightfully so.  I can’t be held responsible for the words I type and spell-check while discussing the Buffalo Bills.  I do not have the power to stop them from being punched into existence and I do not have the power to delete them.  I will, however, attempt to move on from such tirades and paint Buffalo’s future a brighter shade of possibilities.

What do we need then?  On paper, we looked fantastic.  I had men who had been cyber-bullying me for years over my love for the Bills, who now approached me only to preemptively acknowledge that they believed the Bills had turned a corner.  Analysts were talking about the Bills like they were a shoe-in for the playoffs and the only question was, “how far will they advance.”

These milestones in becoming a legitimate football team seem to be achieved through the work of the GM and the franchise’s newfound willingness to spend some money.  Let us attempt to take a positive out of the feelings going into the season, despite what the season has actually become.  A GM can only get players on a team that have seemed to show great promise.  The entire country believed that that had been achieved by Nix.  He amassed players that, in all appearances, were top-tier.  They have not played to expectations levied upon them by the city and by fans nationwide.  I retain my positive opinion on Nix, and will chalk up the premature signing of Fitzpatrick to momentary hysteria; a feeling every single Bills fan in the Universe was feeling during that 5 game streak in 2011 and the win over the Pats.  It would take a robot incapable of feeling Joy to NOT sign Fitzpatrick after that Patriots game.  Dumb move in retrospect, but not a one among us would do anything different.

I want a new quarterback.  I still like Fitzpatrick as a person and as a backup.  I believe he can probably teach a kid to play QB as well as anyone.  He gets along with all types, is the smartest man in the NFL and is a funny dude to boot.  I also believe he would be a Pro-bowl quarterback if God had blessed him with a stronger arm.   So lets bring in a kid with a stronger arm.  A kid that analysts say “can make all the throws.”  Have the young Go-Getter sit for a year as we flounder with Fitzpatrick then hand over the team to this new generation.  Fitz’s humility will make him more valuable as a player-coach than he ever was or could be as purely a player.  Who is this savior-Quarterback?  Taj Boyd, Tyler Wilson…or we wait and pick up Mariota out of Oregon…that kid is Tits.

Let’s try to keep the O-line together and draft some project lineman.  I like our Guards, I like Glenn and Hairston is good enough.  Scott Chandler is one of the most underrated players in the league and I hope to retain that gargantuan, sticky-handed love machine for as long as he sees fit.  That sounded pretty homoerotic and I apologize, but I do not take back the comment.

Let’s wrap this up because, technically, Im getting paid to sell HVAC equipment right now, not to be going off on bullshit tangents about the Buffalo Bills.  I want a tall receiver.  A big lumbering receiver with hands the size of bird-killing spiders and deceptive open-field speed.  You can find these specimens lurking in the most sun-starved depths of Division 1.  Chan stays, Wannstedt’s job depends on the rest of the season and I’m provided season tickets for helping out by writing this.


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