My Interview with Rush Limbaugh

20 Nov

Me:  First, Rush, Thanks for being here.

Rush: My pleasure, Kevin, Thanks for having me.

Me:  Are you high on prescription pills right now?

Rush: Yes.

Me: Fantastic.  Tell me about yourself and why or how you became a political figure head and activist.

Rush: Welp, I was very lucky growing up.  My father was a judge and his wealth as well as his influence allowed me to make some mistakes and feel out my life a lot more thoroughly than most. I found out I didn’t do well in Academia, which might be why I have a sort of resentment towards it to this day.

Me: So when you say College is for elitists or promotes elitist principles, you’re really lashing out at failures in your past and insecurities about your own ability to comprehend complex social ideas?

Rush: Exactly.

Me: Continue…

Rush: So, I didn’t do well in school but I did find out I had a way with words and that my friends seemed to listen to what I have to say with a bit more enthusiasm than when others spoke.  My father had always been very strict and Right-leaning, and many of the kids of the days were either in the throws of a full-on hippie brainspasm or on the verge of one, so I would reiterate my father’s political views with a few youthful tweaks and then sit back to watch the colorful, collective freak-out of a frat-house full of liberal-minded youth.

Me: Did you agree with your father’s views?

Rush:  Yes, for the most part.  But, admittedly I knew very little about politics and to this day I refuse to spend too much of my life with my face buried in research.  It’s no way to live your life, Kevin.

Me: So this has always been about getting a reaction?

Rush: Always, always, always.  Something has to be seen, or in my case heard, to warrant a reaction.  Therefore lots of reaction means lots of viewership, lots of viewership meant attention when I was younger and money now that I’m older.

Me: Attention and Money.   How much of what you say on your show on a daily basis do you actually believe?

Rush:  Yikes.  Well let’s say this, if I had to label myself I would label myself as a Conservative…

Me: You would now?

Rush: Yes, but I write very little of what is said on the show.  At this point in my life, between personal issues and the boredom that comes with old-age, I literally could not give less of a shit about politics or America for that matter.

Me:  This sounds extremely deceptive of you.  There are people who work themselves into a frenzy over your words.

Rush:  There are people who work themselves into a frenzy about purses and pokemon cards and all sorts of dumb shit. People are gullible and panicky and in America they’re bored and just waiting for something or someone to shake them up a little.  Look, I would love to have some sort of skill I could practice as a trade like carpentry or metal-work but that’s not how my cookie crumbled.  My skill is persuasion and rhetoric and I went where my skill was in demand.

Me: Who are you voting for in 2012?

Rush: Nader.

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