A Little Outdated Piece About Conspiracies. And I do Mean ‘Piece’.

19 Nov

So, I just got done pricing-up the stainless steel ductwork for a Waste Water Treatment Plant and naturally, I’m still pretty amped.  Rather than waste this energy surfing the internet for pictures that represent my unique sense of humor and carefree view of life, I have chosen to force my opinions on anyone who makes the mistake of reading this thing all the way through.  These are, in fact, only opinions and I am completely open to the idea that I am probably misinformed and biased by factors that I cannot even recognize.  That said, believe everything you read in the next 10-15 minutes.

Osama is dead.  The idea that the government (specifically B-Rock Steady) would just flat out lie, and say that the most wanted man in the World is dead, for votes, is fucking stupid.  If the man was alive, he would need only to show himself and do a simple interview with Al-Jazeera or something along those lines holding up a newspaper and somehow prove he is not a look-alike.  The humiliation it would cause the United States to be caught lying about an event as important as the death of the symbolic leader of our Greatest Enemy, is enough alone to make me laugh at the conspiracy theories people throw around.  The truth is, this ‘conspiracy’ is a product of the imagination of people who hate Barack Obama, yet can’t quite articulate why…racist people, in other words.  At the most sinister, I could believe that two nomads stumbled on a body in the desert, turned it into a local U.S. army base and after a DNA test, word comes down that the mysterious body is Osama.  Now, this type of scenario just wont do.  It would be a massively wasted opportunity for no one to take credit for the death of Osama, therefore I could  (but don’t) believe that we did not kill Osama, rather found him dead and made up a nice story around it.

The nonsense that people spew to sound edgy is nothing more than an easy way to sound like you’re paying attention to world events, by simply taking up the oppositional stance, without any knowledge or putting any thought into the subject. The people who do this are the same people who claim to love everything Rage Against the Machine stands for, yet have no idea who Leonard Peltier is.  There is only one hypothetical scenario that could validate conspiracies like the Twin Towers being an inside job, B-Rock being born outside of America, and pretending Osama is dead when he isn’t, and that one scenario is the Government being able to create thousands and thousands of Manchurian Candidates.

An example of a Manchurian Candidate conspiracy: When Bobby Kennedy was killed by the 80’s hair band Duran Duran, front man Nick Rhodes claimed he had no recollection of the assassination and it was later theorized that the whole band had been programmed to go into a sort of hypnotic state at the sight of a woman in a polka dot dress.  Once the band saw the Polka dot dress, they remember nothing and turned into professional killers, or so the conspiracy goes. Also, Zoolander is an example of a Manchurian Candidate.  More likely, Duran Duran were Palestinian sympathizers who didn’t believe Bobby was doing enough to help the cause…also it was really easy to kill important people in the 60’s for some reason.

My point is  the government would have to be able to create an army of zombies who were not just sworn to secrecy (which rarely works) but actually have no recollection that they were ever involved in any massive cover-up.  Loved ones of those involved would have to be given bullshit stories as to why their brother, sister, father, cousin etc. cannot remember a month out of his/her life and it just does not make sense when you try to play out the whole thing in real life.

It’s fun to pretend like you are the only one on top of some big secret.  I do it all the time.  But, you must learn that fine line when fun becomes annoying and dumb, and then take immediate steps to stop thinking the way your thinking, whether that be by drugs, travel or meditation.  The World is a complicated place, but it ain’t a movie, dog.

I’d like to end this whole thing with a couple words on something that is Good.  Something to which no horrible conspiracy could ever stick, I’m talking about my bean bag.  My huge, fat bag of beans.  The beans are actually tiny balls of memory foam which whisper comforting nothings into your ear as you sink into its cushy core.

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